Bangkok was a shock. My arrival, as previously noted, absolutely blew me away; the second day there was spent getting acclimated to the culture, and by day three I was fully enjoying myself. The night markets were absolutely addictive, lined with literally thousands of vendors, and the streets clogged with all manner of traffic. Motorcycles were everywhere, accounting for fully half the vehicles on the street. As lights turned red, they'd swarm to the front of the pack, illegally jockeying for position and - as previously noted - hopping onto the sidewalks if all else failed.

Traffic in Bangkok (and Thailand in general) is absolutely wild, and a little bit intimidating... but it's also been the source of some of my favorite experiences thus far. Small tri-wheeled vehicles called tuk-tuks roam the streets constantly, pouncing on any walking Westerner: "Hey you want tuk-tuk? Where you go? I take you, very cheap!" I was wary of them at first; I'd heard stories of ignorant foreigners paying inflated fares, or accepting "free" rides to "tourist sites" which turned out to either be brothels or vastly overpriced souvenier shops, from which the driver recieved a petrol commission to bring customers. I wanted to avoid such rackets, so I walked. A lot.

Eventually, though, I gave in; they were a part of the culture and I had to indulge. I made sure the price - the average in Bangkok was 100 Baht, or about three U.S. dollars - was decent, the destination clear, and hopped aboard. It was awesome, and I've traveled on countless tuk-tuks since then. (My only bad experience was on the way to the train station... I got taken for a ride in precisely the wrong direction, recognized it, and insisted the driver take me to Hua Lamphong. He looked disappointed, but I had a hard time feeling sorry for him).

Every price in Thailand is negotiable... particularly fares. So when I approached a motorcycle driver in hopes of acquiring a ride across the Chao Phraya River to several of the nearby temples, I figured I'd try to barter down the price. "How much?" I asked.

"Ummm... t'irty!" was the reply.

"Fifteen," I countered.

Mistake.

He got visibly upset. "You pay T'IRTY!" he demanded, "or no ride."

I had exactly 29 Baht in my pocket and offered it, feeling somewhat miserly... it really wasn't that much to pay. But the driver snorted, pocketed it and told me to get on behind him. His compadres, standing around, said something to him and laughed. I think it was something to the effect of "Make sure he doesn't get there alive." The driver tried his best.

Before I could ask for a helmet, he floored it and I nearly flew off the back of the seat. We approached the bridge, which was stuck in a traffic jam... rows of cars snaked up and down the road. I figured we'd just slow down and wait behind the idling traffic like normal, sane human beings want to do. Clearly, I'd forgotten I was in Bangkok. It was like Short Round trying to drive Indiana Jones through downtown Shanghai in Temple of Doom.

He didn't have blocks strapped to his shoes to reach the gas, but the effect was about the same. Short Round cranked down on the throttle, blasting inbetween the rows of idling cars. I reflected on the fact that my hat, turned forward, might blow off due to our speed. Then I reflected on the fact that I was probably going to die, and forgot about the cap. I squeezed my knees in and considered taking Short Round's helmet and putting it on. I decided if we went down, he was coming with me, and his back was gonna be my helmet.

After dodging Toyotas, sideview mirrors, and tiny schoolchildren, we zipped to a sidewalk. Hat - check. Limbs - check. Somehow I'd survived it, and Short Round buzzed off 29 Baht richer. Now I'm in Chiang Mai, five hundred miles away, where motorcycles are the equivalent of five dollars a day to rent. It's gonna be a fun week. In fact, if you come to Thailand in the next week I'll give you a ride.

For 30 Baht, of course.