About a year ago, shortly after I decided to seriously pursue the idea of my journey and make it happen, I wrote in my journal:
17 March 2008
This morning I woke up to enormous doubt. My mind screamed at my heart.
What stupidity! My life is just fine... I go to bed each night with full knowledge of what'll happen the next day. I have nothing to fear. I have two large windows that let the sun roast me under the covers in the morning. And I have opportunities. I could probably become a manager by summer. Finish with school, work my job for a few years. maybe get married sometime down the road.
My heart listened to my head, nodded politely, and then rolled its eyes. Same old speech. The rat race. The American Dream. Red, white, blue, and green - live your life to get money, have things, be someone - and then die.
And that terrifies my heart. It is more than an invitation to surrendur. It is a death sentence.
There is something epic about the prospect of dropping all and just leaving. It calls to the heart, whispers in the quiet moments, startling the unguarded soul. Its call is alluring... it is wild, and dangerous. It's what our hearts are longing for, unfulfilled in the dull humdrum of daily life. And it's so close. But there is a price to be paid for such fulfillment: for to leave is to leave behind, and to lose that which we have already attained is perhaps the greatest of fears. There comes a choice to be made.
For myself, I have chosen.